When it comes to film criticism,it isn’t all justRoger Ebert. Throughout history, there have been plenty of equally exceptional, impactful, and influential critics, including the NYC-born critic, film historian, and authorLeonard Maltin. Never afraid of being a part of pop culture, Maltin has gone as far as appearing as himself in movies likeGremlins 2: The New Batchand shows likeSouth ParkandThe Simpsons.
As a critic,Maltin is perhaps best known for his capsule reviews, small paragraph-long reviews that he collected over the years in his iconicLeonard Maltin’s Movie Guide, which was constantly updated until its final edition in 2014. In these reviews, he gave films a rating, and only the worst of the worst found themselves meriting the critic’s dreaded BOMB rating. Of these bombs, one might reasonably extrapolate which films Maltin probably considers the most deplorable of all time.
10’Isn’t It Romantic?' (1948)
Directed by Norman Z. McLeod
One of the things that Leonard Maltin is most famous for is that he’s the writer of the shortest film review in history. When writing about the comedy musicalIsn’t It Romantic?, about the three daughters of a Civil War veteran in rural 19th-century Indiana being courted by three young men, Maltin simply wrote “No.”
The film,which has unsurprisingly fallen into oblivion with the years' passage, is perhaps one ofthe worst romantic moviesof Hollywood’s Golden Age. Its musical numbers are awfully dull, the black-and-white cinematography is bland and uninspired, and the performances are entirely forgettable. Maltin hit the nail right on the head with this one.
Isn’t It Romantic?
9’Driven' (2001)
Directed by Renny Harlin
Sylvester Stallone, once-upon-a-time one of the biggest stars in Hollywood, has been making a bit of a comeback in recent years. That’s afterhe tried to make a comeback at the turn of the century and failed. The racing filmDriven, co-written by Stallone, was supposed to be his big return to the spotlight, but only managed to crash and burn.
Driven, one ofthe worst actor comeback fails of all time, was panned by pretty much all critics across the board, but not many of them were quite as tough as Maltin was in his capsule. He called the film an “embarrassing amalgam of racing-pic clichés,” claiming that the movie’s “contempt for its audience” knocked Stallone off his “superstar throne.”
8’Psycho' (1998)
Directed by Gus Van Sant
1960’sPsychoisn’t just one of the best films by one of the best filmmakers who have ever lived,Alfred Hitchcock, but one ofthe most groundbreaking films ever made. It simply isn’t the kind of film you expect to see remade—and if someone means to try, they better have a good trick up their sleeve to justify their hubris.Gus Van Santfailed to do such a thing when he remade Hitchcock’s classic in 1998.
Infamous for being a shot-for-shot remake of the original, but worse in every way,Van Sant’sPsychois one of the most pointless remakes of all time. Maltin clearly thought so, too, as he called the movie slow and stilted, and said that it was “an insult, rather than a tribute, to a landmark film.” It’s difficult to disagree with him.
7’American Gigolo' (1980)
Directed by Paul Schrader
Paul Schraderis easily one of the greatest screenwriters in history, the pen behind masterpieces such asTaxi DriverandRaging Bull. He has also directed plenty of movies; some of them as exceptional as his written work; others, not so much. People tend to agree thatAmerican Gigolosits pretty comfortably somewhere in the middle,but Maltin had no such generosity in his heart when watching this Schrader outing.
Where some would see one ofthe steamiest noir filmsof post-Classical Hollywood, Maltin instead saw “some of the unsexiest sex scenes ever.” He felt thatAmerican Gigolowas Schrader’s weakest work, calling it a “feeble morality play posing as a thriller.” However, as the breakout role of the iconicRichard Gere, one might say thatAmerican Gigolohas aged better than Maltin would probably give it credit for.
American Gigolo
6’The Adventurers' (1970)
Directed by Lewis Gilbert
The action-adventure romanceThe Adventurersis about the wealthy playboy son of an assassinated South American diplomat, who discovers that his father was killed on orders of the country’s corrupt president. He returns from Europe to lead a revolution against his father’s killer. It may sound like a promising enough premise, but its own director,Lewis Gilbert, called it “the worst thing I ever did.”
Leonard Maltin’s response to that would probably be a resounding “yes.“He said that the movie was a “challenge to the kidneys"as a result of its excruciating three-hour runtime, calling it an “incredible mess” that wasted its “attractive cast,” featuring the likes ofCharles Aznavour,Candice Bergen, andOlivia de Havilland.
The Adventurers
5’The Bonfire of the Vanities' (1990)
Directed by Brian De Palma
Tom Hanksneeds no introduction. He is, after all, one of the biggest stars in Hollywood’s modern history.He’s not, however, infallible, as he has proved on a few occasions with films as awful asThe Bonfire of the Vanities. Directed by the also-legendaryBrian De Palma, it’s a dark satire about a Wall Street hotshot who sees his life unraveling in the spotlight after his mistress runs over a young teen.
In his capsule, he said that the film was “appallingly heavy-handed,” as well as “a pointless charade, and a pitiful waste of money and talent.”
A box office bomb and critical failure with a problematic production as a result of De Palma’s thorny relationship with then-rising starBruce Willis,Bonfire of the Vanitieswas detested by most critics, and this included Maltin. In his capsule, he said that the film was “appallingly heavy-handed,” as well as “a pointless charade, and a pitiful waste of money and talent.” Harsh words from a critic who has always been pretty measured with what he says about a bad movie.
The Bonfire of the Vanities
4’The Missouri Breaks' (1976)
Directed by Arthur Penn
With a decent 6.5 on IMDb and an even more decent 77% approval from critics on Rotten Tomatoes, some might call theMarlon BrandoandJack NicholsonWestern epicThe Missouri Breaksone ofthe most overlooked Westernsof the 1970s. It’s not a universally loved film, however. Only 59% of audiences on Rotten Tomatoes gave it a thumbs-up, and Leonard Maltin absolutely eviscerated it.
The critic said thatMissouri Breakswas “jumbled” and “excessively violent,“going so far as to call it “one of the worst ‘big’ movies ever made.“Even if one disagrees with him, it’s easy to see where he’s coming from. There’s very little in it with much staying power other than Brando’s unbelievably hammy performance, which some may enjoy, but others—like Maltin—might feel dampens the whole film.
The Missouri Breaks
3’Endless Love' (1981)
Direced by Franco Zeffirelli
The theme song “Endless Love” byDiana RossandLionel Richieis pretty much the only good thing that came out ofFranco Zeffirelli’sEndless Love, a terrible adaptation of the 1979 novel of the same title byScott Spencer.Brooke Shieldsdelivers a good performance, buteverything else about this tragic romantic drama has been deemed one of the worstdepictions of romantic obsession in the genre’s history.
Maltin called Zeffirelli’s film a “textbook example of how to do everything wrong in a literary adaptation,” saying that it was “rightfully regarded as one of the worst films of all time.” It wasTom Cruise’s andJames Spader’s film debut, so it’s a valuable piece of history in that sense; but not even that makes it worth watching.
Endless Love
2’Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever' (2002)
Directed by Kaos
Usually regarded as one of the most abysmal action movies in history in every sense imaginable,Ballistic: Ecks vs. Severcan be counted amongmanycritics' least favorite films ever made, which certainly includes Leonard Maltin. With a stunning 0% approval from critics on Rotten Tomatoes, which is honestly sort of an achievement in and of itself, it’s one of the genre’s biggest displays of ineptitude.
One of the worst-directed, worst-shot, worst-edited, and definitelyworst-written action moviesin history, it’s a truly infamous disaster. Maltin said that it was an “idiotic action film” with “what may be the worst movie title ever coined,” saying that all sense of logic “dissolves as the story unfolds.” They’re very fair criticisms; and, quite frankly, not even half as harsh as the film probably deserves.
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
1’Freddy Got Fingered' (2001)
Directed by Tom Green
Although it has seen a small resurgence in recent years, with some people now praising it as one of themost interesting so-bad-it’s-good gemsof the 21st century,Freddy Got Fingeredis mostly still remembered as one of the most atrocious movies of the century so far. Critics and audiences alike trashed it when it came out, including Leonard Maltin.
The critic calledTom Green’s little cinematic atrocity “the poster child for all that’s wrong with movie comedy.” He criticized the lack of humor of the film’s gags,as well as the “unimaginable ineptitude with which they’re executed.“With the snappy nature and short length of his capsule reviews, it’s hard to figure out what, exactly, Maltin might call the single worst film ever made. But reading what he wrote aboutFreddy Got Fingered, it doesn’t seem all too inaccurate to say that it’s this one.
