Toho is the biggest film-related entertainment company in Japan, and even those who aren’t hugely into Japanese cinema have likely seen something that was either produced or distributed by the company. Principally, Toho has the rights toGodzilla, which is a series that’s generally been made in Japan, though the character has also been licensed outside Japan, seen most recently in theMonsterVersemovies.
Beyond kaiju flicks, Toho has also been associated withthe films ofAkira Kurosawaand Studio Ghibli.It’s a big player of a company, however you want to slice it, but not every Toho-related film is a winner. The following are all associated with Toho in one way or another, and rank among the worst the company has either produced or distributed. Those films are ranked below, starting with the underwhelming and ending with some genuinely terrible movies.
10’Matango' (1963)
Directed by Ishirō Honda
Ishirō Hondais best known fordirecting numerous earlyGodzillamovies, including the very first, released in 1954. As a result, he’s a director behind some top-tier Toho films, but not everything he made was an unequivocal winner.Matangodemonstrates this, to some extent, though it’s at least weird and out-there enough to be potentially worth checking out for those who really like weird and old-school science fiction.
Why’s it weird, exactly? Well,Matangois a movie about fungus/mushroom people, and not in a particularly unsettlingThe Last of Usway or anything. As a sci-fi/horror flick, it’s pretty hammy and goofy during its fun moments, though it proves to be a little bit of a slog at other times.You get what you’d expect out of it; (certainly) nothing more, and (arguably) nothing less.
9’Son of Godzilla' (1967)
Directed by Jun Fukuda
Oh, hey, speaking of earlyGodzillamovies,here’s one from the 1960s(a particularly prolific decade for the King of the Monsters):Son of Godzilla. As the title makes pretty apparent,this one involves Godzilla having an adopted son, who’s known as Minilla. He’s a divisive character, to say the least, riding the line between ugly and cute like very few fictional characters ever have before.
If you’re tolerant of some boring stretches and a focus on being family-friendly to a truly great extent, you might not mindSon of Godzilla, especially because a few sequences here are pretty damn funny. It’s still a lesserGodzillafilm, all things considered, and feels a little more in line with theGameramovies released around this time, in all honesty, than most of the otherGodzillafilms of the Showa era.
8’Message from Space' (1978)
Directed by Kinji Fukasaku
Another film that’s not outright awful, and couldqualify as something of a cult classicin the eyes of forgiving viewers,Message from Spacedoes a few things mildly right and not too much that’s terrible, at least for a film of its time and budget. The plot here has a conflict playing out in space, but it’s not aStar War. Please, don’t pay too much attention to the fact that a movie about a war among stars was released one year earlier.
Snark aside, sure,Message from Spacecould be accused of being a bit of a knock-off, but there’s some hammy fun here. Call it so-bad-it’s-good if you’d like; maybe it scratches that kind of itch.It’s also probably a little better than the non-Toho movie with a similar title and a similar reputation for being a rip-off,Battle Beyond the Stars, so it’s got that going for it!
7’Half Human' (1955)
If you wanta movie about a big primatethat isn’tKing Kong, hey,Half Humankind of has your back. It won’t really support your back, and watching it might make your back sore (also your brain, potentially), but it very gently scratches that kind of itch. It’s a big ape movie. It’s an abominable snowman type of flick. It’s hammy horror, not to be mixed up with Hammer Horror.
It’s about various people trying to track down some sort of elusive creature, but isn’t quite as entertaining as you might hope for or expect.Half Humanis occasionally serviceable, butgenerally fairly clunky, and could well be one of the worst things Ishirō Honda ever directed. As for his absolute worst movie? Well, it’s yet to come. Yay.
Half Human: The Story of the Abominable Snowman
6’Tales from Earthsea' (2006)
Directed by Goro Miyazaki
Tales from Earthseahas the kind of sublime animationyou’d expect from a Studio Ghibli production, but there’s little else here that makes the film worth watching. It’s an absolute mess on a narrative front, telling a scattershot fantasy story about dragons crossing over more and more into the world of humanity, and there are witches, wizards, spells, yada-yada… who cares? No one should. Don’t care.
This is a film thattakes inspiration from a whole series of books, rather than honing in on just one book in said series and telling a more direct/satisfying story.Tales from Earthseabites off so much and then scarcely bothers to chew it, outside that aforementioned animation. If you want, just have it playing in the background while you do something else;so long as you occasionally glance over and acknowledge the fact that it looks good on a visual front, you’ll get everything you can out of it.
Tales from Earthsea
5’Rebirth of Mothra II' (1997)
Directed by Kunio Miyoshi
Mothra is one of the best giant monsters in cinema history, and though she’s often tied to theGodzillafilms,she’s had four solo films to date(all lacking Godzilla, thoughone does feature King Ghidorah). Of these four movies, three are kind of good, and then one of them isRebirth of Mothra II. It’sthe second in a 1990s trilogy based around the character, and it’s soooo boring.
The flaws found in the firstRebirth of Mothramovie strike again in this one, but with a vengeance, because it’s worse overall. It might be worth watching for anyone who wants to fully appreciate the surprisingly good thirdRebirth of Mothraflick, but when judged on its own, this is pretty dire as far as kaiju movies go.
4’Jellyfish Eyes' (2013)
Directed by Takashi Murakami
Jellyfish Eyesis best known for being one of the mostbaffling films found within the Criterion Collection, and, like, even though it’s not very good, props to it for being included within such an esteemed grouping of movies. As for a synopsis… uh… no, that’s too hard to do. This movie is nonsense. It’s a fever dream of a film, which isn’t a bad thing by default, but an often dull fever dream? That’s a little harder to forgive.
Jumping chaotically between sci-fi, family, comedy, and fantasy genres (oh, and animation, if you consider that a genre rather than a medium),Jellyfish Eyesis surreal at best and cinematic nonsense at worst.It hurts to watch and think about, once the watching is over, meaning it should be ignored by most people… but also, it’s worth admitting that talking about such a movie in such a way may make some people cautiously curious. If you’re someone in that camp, it’s best to tread lightly.
3’Godzilla: The Planet Eater' (2018)
Directed by Hiroyuki Seshita, Kobun Shizuno
Noooo, this one hurts. This one isn’t fun to talk about. It’s not fun to tear apart. It’spainful to think aboutGodzilla: The Planet Eater. For context, it’s the third movie in an anime trilogy based aroundGodzilla. The first film has an intriguing premise, seeing as it involves the Earth being taken over by monsters, Godzilla included. The humans who survive this event only do so because they take off into space.
Thousands of years later, humanity returns, intending to reclaim the planet. It should be awesome,but films #2 and #3 squander any potential the premise the whole trilogy had in the most confounding of ways.The Planet Eateris the worst offender, being an absolute slog, not to mention a heinous waste of Kind Ghidorah. This film is disgraceful. Like, this is abhorrent. Again, if you’re aGodzillafan, this one will hurt.
2’Hanzo the Razor: Sword of Justice' (1972)
Directed by Kenji Misumi
There’s somehow a trilogy ofHanzo the Razorfilms, and they seemingly only exist to confound and offend anyone who might’ve enjoyed the (generally great) movies inthe long-runningZatoichiseries. After all, bothHanzo the Razorand theZatoichifilms areidentifiable as samurai flicks, to some extent, and both share a lead actor inShintarō Katsu, who plays the titular character in both of the series.
Sword of Justiceis herestanding in for all theHanzo the Razormovies, which are gross, sleazy, crude, and – somehow – also kind of boring. These films could’ve only been made in the 1970s, and that’s the decade where they ought to stay, nice and forgotten-like.Even if you love samurai moviesand have literally watched all the others from the 1950s, 1960s, and 1970s, it’s still not worth checking out anyHanzo the Razorfilms.
1’All Monsters Attack' (1969)
For as clunky as some of the aforementioned kaiju films were, none are quite as abhorrent asAll Monsters Attack, which could well bethe worstGodzillamovie ever made(well, it gives the 1998 American film a run for its money at least). Not only is it Minilla-centric, butAll Monsters Attackis also stacked with archival footage more than anything else, especially when it comes to action.
It fails as a monster movie because if you’ve seen all the earlierGodzillafilms, then the “best” of whatAll Monsters Attackhas to offer is stuff you’ve already seen before. It feels cheaply made, and haphazardly thrown together, with an awkward anti-bullying message that nevertheless manages to contradict itself by the film’s end. It’s mercifully short, sure, but that doesn’t, in any way, makeAll Monsters Attackworth devoting your time to, even if you consider yourselfone of the biggestGodzillafans out there.Just rewatch one of the (many) actually good movies from the series instead.
