Johnny Deppwas paid $20 million plus a huge percentage of the backend profits for his fifth outing as rascally Captain Jack Sparrow inPirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, which is as exhausting a sentence to write as it is to read. Despite receiving enough money to build his own Pirates of the Caribbean ride wherein every single pirate robot is replaced with an animatronic ofWalter Matthau, Depp couldn’t be bothered to show up to set on time or even memorize his lines.
Depp’s habit of drinking thousands of dollars of wine a month resulted in frequent lateness, which caused expensive delays as the filmmakers had to scramble to reschedule shots on days where he showed up hours after his call time. It was so bad that a production assistant was assigned to stake out Depp’s rented house and watch for signs of activity, like trying to capture a photo of drunk Bigfoot. Depp also allegedly had to be fed his lines through an earpiece, which was probably easy enough to conceal as a piece of fanciful pirate jewelry.
Prince – New Girl
Prolific musical genius and possible interdimensional beingPrinceonce guest-starred on an episode ofNew Girlin an especially delightful cameo as himself. Considering both Prince’s ethereal nature and the fact that it was the first (and ultimately only) time he ever appeared on a TV sitcom, you would expect him to bring a list of complicated demands shrouded by a series of riddles, sort of like instructions on how to care for a magical creature.
Prince only had one demand, but it was a doozy – he would only agree to guest star if a planned cameo by theKardashianswas scrapped. Evidently he had invitedKim Kardashianonstage during a recent performance, and her lack of enthusiasm offended him so greatly he vowed to destroy her network television cameo career.
Ben Affleck – Gone Girl
After being cast as the male lead inDavid Fincher’s adaptation ofGone Girl,Benrefused to wear a Yankees cap in one scene of the movie, shutting down production for several days until he and Fincher could agree to the compromise of a Mets cap. Affleck felt that, as a lifelong Red Sox fan, being seen in a major motion picture wearing the logo of the Red Sox’s most bitter rivals would be a betrayal. Indeed, the superstar ofPaycheckandReindeer Gamesendorsing the Yankees would be a blow from which the Red Sox might never recover.
Affleck also had some important casting recommendations for the part of Andie, the young student with whom his character Nick is having an affair. Affleck sagely told Fincher thatEmily Ratajkowski, the famous model who appears mostly nude in the music video forRobin Thicke’s Blurred Lines, would be perfect for the part of the woman who has to have a sex scene with Ben Affleck. Affleck had no other casting notes.
Jim Carrey – Man on the Moon
After being cast inMilos Forman’sAndy KaufmanbiopicMan on the Moon,Jim Carreywas gunning hard for an Academy Award nomination for his portrayal of the legendary comedian. He was somewhat less concerned with making the film’s set a comfortable working environment for his crew and co-stars.
Carrey demanded everyone address him either as Andy (on days when he was filming scenes as Kaufman) or as Tony Clifton (on days when he was filming scenes as Kaufman’s alter-ego Tony Clifton), and would refuse to deliver messages between his three personas, much to Forman’s frustration.
He also claimed that he was channeling the spirit of the long-dead Kaufman through his body, and met with Kaufman’s family as Andy Kaufman, which is a thing that should probably be illegal.
George Clooney – Gravity
George Clooneyappears in directorAlfonso Curaón’s award-winning filmGravityas the doomed astronaut Matt Kowalski, the commander of a space shuttle mission carryingSandra Bullockinto space to fix the Hubble telescope, despite the fact that Sandra Bullock is somehow more afraid of space than that Russian dog whose skeleton is presumably still orbiting the planet.
Kowalski dies pretty quickly, leaving Bullock’s character struggling to overcome the terrors of space on her own. Despite his short time on-screen, Clooney demanded that he be furnished with a full garden, basketball court, and beach hut built right next to his trailer. Evidently he felt since his character floats away into oblivion, he needed to be able to live onset until he himself ran out of breathable air.
Marlon Brando – The Island of Dr. Moreau
If you’ve seen the terrific documentaryLost Soul, then you’re already familiar with the near-Biblical catastrophe that was 1996’sThe Island of Dr. Moreau.Marlon Brandowas cast as the titular Dr. Moreau, a mad gene splicer, and was several weeks late to the shoot, which is the most professionally responsible thing he did on the set of this film.
Brando insisted that Dr. Moreau had a sun allergy, and demanded to be covered in white makeup for all of his exterior scenes with a bucket of ice on his head. This was mostly to ensure that he could rely on a stand-in for most shots and do very little acting himself. He also showed up with a little person,Nelson de la Rosa, and insisted that de la Rosa be present in every one of his scenes, because Brando apparently believed little people were pets/accessories.
Tom Cruise – Anything
One of the best things aboutTom Cruisehitting middle age is that we all get to participate in his mid-life crisis as he needlessly endangers himself doing insane stunts in film after film. But in order to do all that Cruise Running™, Cruise Jumping™, and Cruise Clinging To The Outside of Dangerously High Vehicles and Structures™, he requires special garments.
Cruise insists upon having an arsenal of specially-made thongs, woven from a specific fabric, to maximize his comfort and flexibility while performing his stunts. Since he prefers to wear new ones each time, that can mean as many as 50 Cruise-supporting thongs per film, which is a small price to pay to ensure that the chafing never reaches a degree of friction to cause his groin to burst into flames in mid-Cruise Run™.
Lea Michele – Scream Queens
After her breakout role onGlee, that show your mom really liked 10 years ago, starLea Michelequickly allowed 100% of the show’s success to go directly to her head, despite the fact that the show is an ensemble piece about high schoolers singing fun arrangements of popular songs and she is the least interesting character.
For her role as Hester onScream Queens, Michele only agreed to actually scream two times, and insisted that a recording would have to be used for any other take that required her to scream in order to protect her singing voice. She’s totally moving enough albums to justify this.
Steve McQueen – The Towering Inferno
The Towering Infernowas a big budget disaster movie made during the height of the genre’s popularity back in 1974. Not content with merely being the film’s lead,Steve McQueendemanded to have the same number of lines as his co-starPaul Newman, so extra dialogue had to be written for him. He didn’t ask for more lines than Newman, because that would’ve been gauche.
McQueen also demanded that the brim of his fireman’s helmet be shorter so that it wouldn’t hide his face, which consequently meant that every other fireman’s helmet in the film had to be changed as well, or else McQueen’s character would look like a lunatic who just showed up with a department store firefighter costume. He also argued about where his name should appear on the film’s poster, as he wanted to be billed before Paul Newman, so the compromise was made to put McQueen’s name first, but slightly lower than Newman’s.
