It’s often forgotten what a huge impactreality showshave on the people who watch them. Whether it be competition series that showcase human determination or quiz shows that inspire brainiacs to test their intelligence,by focusing on real stories, these programs present narratives that their viewers can truly learn from. Nowhere is this more important than in dating shows, and that’s what makesThe Boyfriendone of the most important series airing right now. Created byDai Ota, this LGBTQ+Netflixseries is only a few episodes into its first season but has already astounded viewers; its unique approach to helping people find love is unlike anything fans have seen.
Even beyond its interesting setup, though, where the show really thrives is in providing complex models of romance that audiences can adopt into their own lives. With the romantic interactions between its main cast,The Boyfriendprovidessome of the best examples of communication that reality TV has ever seen — and some of the worst. Because, while the show has shirkedsome of the more toxic tendencies of other series, it has still produced some cringe-inducing moments, as its cast shows exactly what not to do when looking for love.The Boyfriend, along with being endlessly entertaining, is educating audiences on the many different kinds of communication: the good, the bad, and the really, really uncomfortable.
The Boyfriend
The Boyfriend is a Japanese BL dating reality show. The series follows nine young men as they spend a month living together in a beach house and running a coffee truck. The show focuses on their journey to find love, build friendships, and navigate the emotional ups and downs of romantic relationships
Reality Dating Shows Can Tell You What Not To Do
There are countless reality dating shows likeThe Boyfriend,but few are as free of toxicity as this series has been. That’s not to say that every dating series is littered with examples of unhealthy romance; many programs likeReady to LoveandSparks Campwork hard to make healthy spaces where everyone has a chance at romance, but most importantly, receive respect. Yet, it’s undeniable that so many of the hit dating shows that reality fans love are filled with some of the most unhealthy examples of partnerships that television has ever seen. Whether it bethe thinly veiled misogyny ofLove Is Blindor the flagrant deceptions ofPerfect Match, many of these programs display the worst ways that people in relationships should interact and jaw-dropping moments of people meant to be partners choosing to hurt one another. While enjoyable for their drama, they create harmful models for the impressionable members of their audience, with individuals learning damaging lessons about how love looks from these flawed casts.
This series' lack of rampant toxicity can be owed largely toThe Boyfriend’sunique concept and format. The show brings together nine men in Japan’s first-ever LGBTQ+ dating show, with the group hoping to find love while living in the same house over the course of the summer — and running their own business! This isn’t a stress-free experiencesolely focused on love like most shows,as the men must manage their very own coffee shop while handling daily chores like budgeting and cleaning up their picturesque new home.It’sone of reality TV’s most grounded setups, one that creates some of the genre’s most endearing moments of romance as contestants get to see each other in a variety of important, everyday situations. It’s a nuanced approach to romance that creates realistic scenes of how relationships grow…as well as perfect examples of how they can completely fall apart.
‘The Boyfriend’ Shows the Dos and Don’ts of Dating
While a dating seriesis stressful for most contestants, nobody has had a harder time onThe BoyfriendthanKazuto. This charming chef didn’t think he’d have a good shot at the life partner he hoped for in the house, his inherent shyness and needing to leave for stretches of time making it hard for other cast members to really learn about him. Despite this, he had go-go dancerUsak, modelRyota,andIT professionalAlan Takahashiall confess their feelings for him — on the same night!
Despite how overwhelming that can be, audiences got to see the young man’s maturity as he calmly spoke to each of them, expressing his feelings of confusion while validating and appreciating each person’s confession. He attempted some sparks with Alan that didn’t quite work out, with the two men having a calm conversation where they both accepted romance wasn’t in the future and grew closer as friends.This multi-episode journey was a masterclass in good communication,showing how respectful honesty is necessary for any relationship to thrive — with the other moments on display showing how bad communication can ruin them.
For most of the series' first few episodes, the quietShun Nakanishiand boisterousDai Nakaiwere thought to be the show’s resident odd couple, their tentative early romance hopefully growing into something much more concrete. Viewers were surprised, then, when Shun made it clear he only saw Dai as a friend; both watchers and the young man were disappointed but happy he’d been open and honest…which makes his flip to hardcore jealousy the moment Dai shows interest in another man so confusing.Shun’s actions are playing with the emotions of a man who’s clearly attracted to him, discounting whatever genuine communication they’d had —and he’s not the only one to do this!
Ryota, after being shot down by Kazuto, finds himself on the receiving end ofGensei Azumai’s open affection, the man showing every sign that he liked him and even going so far as buying him a small necklace as a token of his feelings. Ryota, who’d spent the past few episodes reading into every action of Kazuto, feigns ignorance,choosing not to see anything in this confession and hurting Gensei further by openly talking about his other romantic prospectsin front of him. Every contestant is an adult and should not feel pressured into any romance, but when it comes to respecting others in this difficult space, the least they can do is show one another the respect of hearing their words (and sticking to their own).
‘Too Hot To Handle’ Would Be the Best Reality Dating Show if Not for This
If it ever decides to take its premise seriously, ‘Too Hot to Handle’ could very well become a reality dating success story.
‘The Boyfriend’ Emphasizes the Importance of Communication in Relationships
In a complex space likeThe Boyfriend,it’s almost impossible to determine whether a person’s actions were “correct.“Shun has expressed the difficult life he lived before his time on the show, explaining much of the trepidation he feels about committing to someone as energetic as Dai. And while Ryota’s actions with Gensei may be callous, days of having the people he actually likes shoot him down could easily affect his ability to listen and respond to admissions like that.
No matter their pasts, though, these men make one thing clear:bad communication ruins relationships. Even if a person has emotional scars they’re still healing from,there’s an inherent duty to a romantic partner to try and communicatein a way that both shows them respect and creates a space where genuine thoughts can be heard. Kazuto highlights this perfectly in his actions, and while there’s still hope that these other contestants can grow over the rest of the series' first season, viewers need to remember which of these experiences to learn from, and which of these to stay as far away from as they can.
