However, some of these near-misses are so amazing that they deserve to be talked about, if for no other reason than to speculate on how truly insane they might have been if they’d made it to the theaters. How many of these crazy movies do you wish had actually been made?
Paul McCartney’s “The Silver Surfer” Rock Opera
ProducerLee Kramerhad only one goal in life: creating insane rock operas starringOlivia Newton-John. Having first achieved this withXanadu, his blood lust was clearly unfulfilled – and so in 1980 he set out to make a Silver Surfer movie that would be scored byPaul McCartney.
Along with a little bit of concept art, Kramer claimed that – had it been made – this motion picture would have been on a scale comparable to2001: A Space Odyssey. And the score? To quote this madman, “the Surfer might have a chant or a fanfare made up of one thousand electric guitars”.
Leonardo DiCaprio & Baz Luhrmann’s “Alexander The Great”
There was a point where the role of Alexander the Great was so coveted byLeonardo DiCapriothat he obtained the film rights to aChristopher McQuarriescript on the conquerer. From there he worked with Universal, who brought the project toMartin Scorsese– them having recently worked together onGangs Of New York.
But when Scorsese backed out, the project went to another director with similar experience working with the actor:Romeo + Juliet’sBaz Luhrmann. Needless to say, this would have been absolutely bonkers and not without a few musical numbers. But ultimately the project fell apart and we got theOliver Stoneversion instead.
Steven Soderbergh‘s 3D Musical “Cleopatra”
A theory on why musicals and rock operas are rare is that it takes a certain deranged bravery to make an original one without shame.Steven Soderberghapparently tapped into such a mindset when he set out to make a 3D telling of Cleopatra’s life starringCatherine Zeta-JonesandHugh Jackman.
Called “Cleo,” the planned-to-be late-2000s film was set for a $30 million budget before Jackman was forced to pull out and the plan eventually fell apart. And while there’s been no talk of reviving the project, therehasbeen some talk of actually bringing the story to Broadway – where it probably was always meant to exist.
Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill 3”
Like maple syrup, a littleQuentinTarantinogoes a long way. Which is why theKill Billseries felt like being waterboarded by Mrs. Butterworth. And that goes especially for people who have appeared in his films – more specifically,Uma Thurman,who recentlyspoke out againstthe director’s somewhat reckless methods.
And so this is why we’re not getting a third Kill Bill anytime soon, despite there totally being a plan for how that would go. According to the director, the third film would have followed the daughter ofVivica A. Foxseeking revenge against Thurman’s Bride character. No word on if they would have renamed it “Kill Kiddo”.
Nicolas Cage’s “Superman Lives”
In a tale so notorious that there is even anentire documentarydevoted to it, somewhere there is an alternate universe where we got a Superman movie directed byTim Burtonand starring none other thanNicolas Cage. And what’s stranger, at one point it had a script byKevin Smithand featured a giant robot spider in space.
Smith is, of course, the one who made the story popular when he described the infinite insanity of working with producerJon Peters– a man who now refers to himself as “the Trump of Hollywood” and was once kicked off the set ofMan of SteelbyChristopher Nolan. Needless to say it’s probably good we don’t live in this alternate universe.
Bruce Willis' “Island of Dr Moreau”
Once again, you know your movie messed up when there’sa whole documentaryabout how wrong things went. BeforeJohn Frankenheimertook over, original directorRichard Stanleyhad a clear vision that actually had the attention ofMarlon Brando. But whenVal Kilmerwas brought in to replaceBruce Willis, things went terribly wrong.
Kilmer became so difficult that Stanley was removed from the film – causing Brando to completely phone-in his performance and constantly fight with Kilmer. It got so bad that co-starFairuza Balkwas actually caught trying to escape the production like a runaway prisoner. The resulting movie, as some of you may know, is pretty unwatchable.
Orson Welles’ “Heart of Darkness"
If there were ever a filmmaker that could have gone completely off the rails with CGI, it’sOrson Welles. He was a director ahead of his time, as evidenced by the doomed-production forHeart Of Darkness. Of the many budgetary reasons this film wasn’t made, one of the biggest had to be his plans for the cinematography.
Welles didn’t just require elaborate matte paintings and process shots, but to make a film that was entirely from the POV of one of the characters. This meant sweeping sets for a style the studio didn’t fully understand – and so ultimately he had to fall back on his second film idea:Citizen Kane.
“Gladiator 2" with Time-Travel
Legendary rock musicianNick Cavelooks like the kind of guy who would get into a bidding war withHR Gigerover a Latvian castle. He’s a real Monster Mash kind of dude, otherwise known as the last person you’d expect towrite a sequeltoGladiator. A sequel that, by the way, would magically reviveRussell Crowe’s character (as requested by Crowe himself).
If you’re wondering how, the film would have actually opened with Maximus in the afterlife. Joined by a ghostly guide, he was to take on the Gods themselves before time travelling into Rome and fighting 100 alligators before becoming immortal – the film ending with him serving in Vietnam. No idea why this wasn’t made.
Wesley Snipes' “Black Panther”
We give theX-Menfilms so much credit for launching the success of Marvel movies that it’s almost likeBladenever existed. And to thank for that we haveWesley Snipeswho, before playing the vampire hunter, had pushed to make his very ownBlack Pantherfilm.
What stopped him? In short: a budget. With Marvel struggling at the time, the thought of spending multi-millions to properly portray the wonders of Wakanda was just too daunting of a task. But with this failure came the success of another Marvel property and a long road to where we are today.
A Horror Sequel to E.T.
Pretty much every cinematic success has been considered for a sequel at one point or another – but it takes guts to completely change the tone of a blockbuster kid fantasy. But this was the plan for a secondE.T., which would have introduced an entirely new species of monstrous aliens.
According to a9-page treatmentwritten for the film, Elliot and his buddies would come upon another bright light in the forest. But instead of getting a lovable space goblin, they would be kidnapped by interstellar baddies… only to be eventually rescued by the titular alien hero. Oh, but not before they got tortured. Fun!
